The Last Letter
by mooray
Summary: Mary Terrafino is about to make her big jump, but she wants Francis to understand everything. She writes him a last letter. OS, please R&R!


**AN: Yeah, I know, Francis poofed long before this. But the story doesn't work otherwise! This story is about Mary. It's about her death, but pretend that Francis hasn't turned 15 yet, OK? **

Dear Francis,

By the time you read this, Mary will be gone. I will be dead.

I'm writing this because you have to protect John from the truth. He will know I died, I'm sure, but I hope he will never know why. Because if he knows why, he will think it is his fault. And it isn't. It really isn't. It isn't anyone's fault. It's just the way of the world.

I think everyone will say that I think that doing this will get me to the other side. It's not true. Don't believe it, Francis. Believe that I have spent enough time in the FAYZ to understand better than anyone else.

I never really had a great life, did I? It was the anorexia, and before that the bulimia, and before that the obesity. Then the FAYZ. Yeah, that one was the worst of all. So believe me, I'm not at all sure I'll find my parents smiling and waving on the other side. But I can live with not living – no pun intended.

Francis, please. Look around yourself, and ask yourself what kind of a world we live in. The FAYZ is a place where violence is the norm and death occurs every few days. Children are starving, dying of mystery viruses, or else being slaughtered by each other. This isn't the way to live. So that's why I'm taking the children.

I'm taking the children to help them. I have honestly come to care for them, and I regard it as my duty to look after them. If there is any chance I can get them out of this living nightmare, I must. Children are so innocent, Francis. I know you know this. You will understand, won't you? The children haven't yet been touched by the horrors of the FAYZ. It's too late for me to save anyone else. But I must try for the children's sake. To save their souls. If just a few of them find their parents again, it will have been worth my death a hundred times over. Francis, please believe me when I tell you that I truly think that they will thank me when they understand.

I'm not doing this in a fit of selfishness, but for the children. They need their parents to look after them. The three of us just aren't enough for all the many little kids.

Don't think I'm blaming you. I'm not blaming you or John. But we tried to match their needs, and we failed. There were moments when all three of us were changing someone's nappy and feeding someone else and talking to someone else, and there weren't enough of us to talk to the kids who were just plain miserable. I'm sorry to say this. But I trust you can see this is the truth. We failed, so I must take the children to a world where there are enough parents to always be able to love them, always.

I want to be able to tell you all this. To have your opinion, and to see you think over what I say. I know that if I tell you, you will stop me. That can't happen. All the children are relying on me to save them.

Tell John I love him. Tell him I appreciate all he does for me more than I would ever tell him. Tell him I know he will do a wonderful job of looking after whatever children remain. Tell him it's not his fault. But you must never tell him I wrote you this letter, for he would not understand. He would think I was choosing you over him, but I know that I must protect him.

Oh God, Francis. Now there is only half an hour to go. I don't want to do it, Francis. But I know I will, because I know it is the right thing to do.

I wish I could have my last hour with the people I love. I wish you were here, all of you. I'm so lonely. I don't think I can do it. Please God give me strength.

Now I am going to put this envelope on your pillow, where I know you will find it. Please Francis, do not think badly of me. I love you, and I wish I could be with you. You must protect my little John, although I know I have always failed to. Tell Sam I'm sorry, but that I must do this.

Francis you must live. I'm sorry I have done this, because it means you must stay with everyone. For that reason I have taken the selfish way.

I love you Francis. I love you John. I love you all.

Dear John, think well of me. I love you. I'm so sorry you are all that is left of our family.

Francis, I love you more than you will ever know. Please look after yourself and everyone else, though I know I never did. I love you so much.

Thank you Francis.

Please do you understand?

_Mary_


End file.
